House: living room
Wanda: Sweet, sweet Tommy, don't you wanna sleep? Mommy wants to sleep. If you go to sleep, I promise you will be my favorite twin.
Vision: Oh, come on now, darling. You know we love them both equally.
Wanda: Well, don't tell him that. No luck with Billy?
Vision: Tried reading to him, but for some reason, Charles Darwin's The Descent of Man made him cry even harder. Oh. Care to dance, darling?
Wanda: Oh!
Vision: Mm...
Wanda: It's almost like we're on a date.
Vision: Mm! Keep it down, lads, I was about to get my leg over.
Wanda: Vis?
Vision: Hmm.
Wanda: Would you mind grabbing their binkies?
Vision: Oh. 'Course not. Binkies all round, I think.
Wanda: Now, I know parents aren't supposed to take shortcuts, but I think this situation calls for one, don't you? So, go to sleep, my babies… And go to sleep… Well, I don't think it's very funny. Why won't you do what I want?
Vision: What's that, dear?
Wanda: That is not where those go!
Vision: Noise cancelation is not their primary function? Ooh.
Wanda: Look, I think it's... Vis?
Vision: Mm.
Wanda: What are we doing wrong?
Vision: Oh, don't worry, dear. We'll figure it out. Perhaps we all need more time to get to know one another.
Wanda: Maybe. Or maybe we just need some help.
Vision: Oh!
Agnes: Hiya, kids!
Wanda: Oh, Agnes!
Vision: Agnes, I was just fluffing this pillow. With my face.
Agnes: Oh, I was just on my way to Jazzercise when I heard your new little bundles of joy were on a sleep strike.
Vision: Oh? Who told you that?
Agnes: Uh, my ears.
Vision: Oh.
Agnes: Anyway, Auntie Agnes is here and I've got a couple of tricks up my sleeve.
Wanda: Oh, Agnes, you're a lifesaver.
Agnes: Aw.
Vision: Very well. But be careful of their belly buttons and remember to support their heads, and when was the last time you washed your han... Actually, you know what? It would be... Just... Maybe we better not.
Agnes: Um... Uh... Do you want me to take that again?
Wanda: Uh... I'm sorry?
Agnes: You want me to hold the babies. Should we just take it from the top?
Vision: What?
Wanda: Oh, don't be silly. Vision, let's... Let's let Agnes give it a try.
Agnes: Fussy babies, meet buns of steel. We dare you to stay awake.
Vision: Wanda… What was that about?
Wanda: What was what?
Vision: "What was what?" That, that with Agnes just now.
Wanda: Well, I think she just got confused for a moment. She seems fine now.
Vision: But what she said, the way she looked at you...
Wanda: How did she look at me?
Vision: Well, I didn't... Oh.
Agnes: Lavender. It's supposed to have a calming effect. Ralph sprays it on me every night. But there's no taming this tiger.
Vision: What? It's so strange.
Wanda: That's not fair. It's not Agnes's fault that she has an unusually high libido.
Vision: Wanda? Did you really not see what I saw?
Agnes: Oh. Don't mind me. I'm just looking for your dark liquor.
Vision: What?
Agnes: Not for me. For the twins. What kind of babysitter do you think I am? I'm just gonna go and check in there.
Wanda: Vision, the boys haven't slept in days. You and I both need a break and Agnes is just being neighborly, that's all.
Vision: Do you hear that?
Wanda: Hear what?
Vision: Absolutely nothing.
Wanda: They finally fell asleep.
Vision: They're empty.
Wanda: Then where are the twins?
Tommy: Mommy?
Billy: Daddy?
Agnes: Huh? Kids. You can't control them. No matter how hard you try.
Vision: Well, hi!
Wanda: Hi!
Vision: How are you doing, baby?
Wanda: Aw.
Vision: Yeah.
Wanda: Yeah.
You wander the world with a vision of what life could be
But then the years come and teach you to just wait and see
Forces may try to pull us apart
But nothing can phase me if you're in my heart
Crossing our fingers, singing a song
We're making it up as we go along
Through the highs and the lows
We'll be right, we'll be wrong
We're making it up as we go along
And there will be days
We won't know which way to go
But we'll take it higher
You're all I desire
When the going gets tough
When push comes to shove
We're making it up
'Cause we got love
We got love
We got love
We got love
Baby, we got...
WandaVision
SWORD: Response base, clinic
Tyler: What's the first thing you do remember?
Monica: Pain… And then, Wanda's voice in my head.
Tyler: Did you try to resist?
Monica: There was this feeling keeping me down. This hopeless feeling… Like drowning. It was grief.
Doctor: You can sit up now.
Monica: Great. So am I cleared?
Doctor: Once I get a look at these.
Monica: Where's my uniform?
Doctor: In analysis.
Jimmy: Mighty glad to have you back, Captain. How you feeling?
Monica: Like myself.
Jimmy: Well, thank heavens for that.
Monica: Uh, what's the latest?
Darcy: There's a briefing in ten. Pants are encouraged.
Monica: Thank you.
Jimmy: This is Dr. Darcy Lewis. She's the one who discovered the broadcast.
Monica: I'm...
Darcy: Monica. I know. Um, big fan.
Doctor: We're gonna need to take these again. There's something wrong with the machine.
Darcy: Those are blank.
Doctor: Like I said.
Darcy: Well, what about her labs?
Doctor: I need another blood draw.
Monica: No, no, no. We're done here.
Jimmy: She does that. See you at the briefing.
SWORD: Response base, briefing room
Tyler: Morning. We are now assessing a more clear picture of this crisis. And thanks to Captain Rambeau, we now have first-person intel from inside the Westview Anomaly. Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principal victimizer… Jimmy.
Jimmy: Quick history on our subject. Born in Sokovia in 1989 to Irina and Oleg Maximoff, both killed during an air raid when Maximoff and her twin brother, Pietro, were ten.
Tyler: The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at HYDRA.
Jimmy: It's an oversimplification of events, but, yes. After unspecified experimentation with the Mind Stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities.
Tyler: Back up, Jimmy. Does Maximoff have an alias?
Jimmy: No, sir.
Tyler: No funny nickname?
Jimmy: Not a one.
Tyler: And earliest tracking had her using her powers against the Avengers. Is that correct?
Jimmy: Right before she earned their trust and became one herself.
Tyler: Lagos and Germany, we all know how that turned out. Thanks, Jimmy… Now that we have the lay of the land, let's talk about strategy. It is the policy...
Jimmy: I try not to speak ill of people...
Darcy: Then allow me. Hayward's a...
Tyler: ... Terrorists.
Monica: Wanda's not a terrorist.
Tyler: By your own account, you described the experience of being under her mind-control as "excruciating, terrifying, a violation".
Geraldine: Wanda, what's up? And now that I've gone all corporate...
Monica: My point is, I don't believe she has a political agenda or any inclination toward destruction.
Tyler: Monica, she blasted you halfway across New Jersey.
Monica: And I survived because she chose to protect me.
Tyler: She's holding thousands of people hostage.
Monica: And it could have been thousands more if she hadn't put up her own quarantine… Listen, I don't believe this is a premeditated act of aggression.
Tyler: You don't? Bring up the visual… This morning, I received authorization to share this highly-sensitive material from S.W.O.R.D. headquarters. Until very recently, it was the top-secret location of the Vision's corpse.
Monica: When was this?
Tyler: Nine days ago. Maximoff stormed our facility, stole the Vision's body, and resurrected him.
Jimmy: But that's in direct violation of Section 36 B of the Sokovia Accords.
Tyler: And the Vision's own living will.
Jimmy: He didn't want to be anybody's weapon.
Tyler: Maximoff, in her grief, disregarded his wishes. All right, that's it for now. Let's work the problem, people… Dismissed.
Jimmy: But how did she even do it? Bring him back without the Mind Stone?
Darcy: Who knows? But she has the world's only vibranium synthezoid, playing Father-Knows-Best-In-Suburbia…What happens when he learns the truth?
House: kitchen
Tommy: I don't think he likes the water. But we have to get him clean, so Mommy will let us keep him.
Wanda: Tommy, Billy!
Tommy: Oh, no! Mommy's coming!
Wanda: You know, I don't miss the crying, but jeez Louise, did you have to learn to walk? You two never stay put… Unless you're innocently forming a human wall in front of the kitchen sink… Bless you.
Tommy & Billy: Thank you.
Wanda: Now tell me which one of you just barked? Scoot… Oh, boy. Waiter, what's this canine doing in my kitchen sink?
Tommy: The doggy paddle?
Billy: Can we keep him, Mommy?
Wanda: Well, I'm sure his owners miss him very much. Come on. Huh. There really is no collar.
Billy: Can we keep him? He was outside. Crying, alone.
Wanda: Now, boys, taking care of a living thing is a big responsibility. Dogs need food, exercise, training, belly rubs, and cuddles. And kisses between his little ears.
Vision: Morning, wife. Morning, boys. Good morning, unfamiliar wet animal. Who's this?
Wanda: We're not quite sure, actually. Why so formal, honey?
Vision: Oh, it's just a precaution really. I had a hunch someone might pop over.
Agnes: Hi, kiddos.
Vision: With exactly the item we require.
Agnes: My kitchen window told me someone got a new pooch… Did you name him yet?
Billy: How about Sniffy?
Agnes: Oh! How about Sparky?
Wanda: Well, should we make it official?
Vision: Wanda.
Wanda: Hmm?
Vision: Agnes was right there!
Wanda: She didn't notice. She didn't even notice when the boys went from babies to five-year-olds.
Vision: That's not what we agreed upon. You made no effort to conceal your abilities.
Wanda: Well, I'm tired of hiding, Vis… And maybe you don't have to either.
Vision: Wanda, we are usually so much of the same mind… But right now... What aren't you telling me?
Billy: So, is Sparky our dog, Daddy?
Vision: What?
Wanda: Boys, your father and I don't think you're ready to properly care for an animal until you're at least...
Vision: Ten. Ten.
Wanda: Ten years old.
Vision: Wait, now, hang on there a minute...
Wanda: Wait, no, no, no.
Vision: You young whippersnappers.
Wanda: No, no, no!
Agnes: Let's just hope this dog stays the same size… Woof, woof.
SWORD: Response base, briefing room
Monica: Okay. Okay, I've got it. What I need is a 10,000-pound fallout shelter comprised of lead for photons, cadmium for neutrons, tantalum for seismic blasts, on wheels. And then, I would be able to safely re-enter Westview. Right?
Darcy: Yes. Theoretically.
Monica: I can work with theoretically.
Jimmy: What'd I miss?
Darcy: The twins aged up to ten.
Jimmy: Holy Christmas. At this rate, they'll be empty nesters by dinner time.
Monica: I know an aerospace engineer who'd be up for this challenge.
Darcy: But I can't guarantee the Hex won't just mind-wipe you as you go in.
Monica: Wait. What's a Hex?
Darcy: Oh, um, it's what I'm calling the anomaly because of its hexagonal shape. It's starting to catch on… You really wanna go back in there? After everything she's put you through?
Monica: Yeah. Yes, I do.
Jimmy: Have we identified these minors yet? Or the newborns?
Monica: Oh, Wanda's twins are hers. Everything might look fake in the TV, but everything in there is real.
Jimmy: But Wanda manipulates people's perceptions, makes them hallucinate.
Darcy: Yeah, that's her whole bag. If all the sets and props and wardrobe were solid matter, that would mean she's wielding an insane amount of power.
Jimmy: Far exceeding anything she's displayed in the past.
Monica: Uh, she could have taken out Thanos on her own if he hadn't initiated a blitz. I mean, nobody else came close.
Jimmy: Well, I'd argue that Captain Marvel came close.
Darcy: Her powers came from an Infinity Stone, too, right?
Monica: We are not talking about her. We are talking about Wanda… Darcy? What was that you were saying about props and sets and...
Darcy: Wardrobe?
Monica: Where's the lab?
SWORD: lab
Jimmy: What are we looking for?
Monica: That.
Darcy: Oh, man, are we being mind-controlled to see that right now?
Jimmy: Jeepers creepers!
Monica: Ooh, no. They're real, all right. Can I borrow this?
Jimmy: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Darcy: Whoa!
Jimmy: You had a bulletproof vest on when you went inside, didn't you?
Monica: Those pants are 87% Kevlar. It's not an illusion. Wanda is rewriting reality.
Darcy: Permanently?
Monica: If she can change things as they go into the Hex...
Darcy: Ah, you called it the Hex.
Monica: What happens if we send something in that requires no change?
Computational Service inc
Norm: So you're telling me this is a typewriter, a Rolodex, and a calendar all in one? What else can it do? Find me a wife?
Vision: Eventually, yes.
Norm: It's a hell of a thing watching you work these computers, Vision. It's like you speak their language.
Vision: What do you think, Norm? Should we surf the Internet?
Norm: Cowabunga, dude… Hey, look, we got electronic mail already.
Vision: It's called an e-mail, Norm. What are you looking for?
Norm: Letter opener.
Vision: Ah, we don't need that. We're already cutting edge.
Norm: "S.W.O.R.D. Top secret communiqué. Authenticate…"
All: "Doctor Darcy Lewis' findings regarding Maximoff's Anomaly. High levels of radiation present at perimeter. Effect on Westview residents unknown. Please advise".
Norm: Well, come on, pal. What are we gonna write back? You're the office funny guy… It's a joke. Can't you tell? None of it is real… Please. Please help me. What day is it? How long has it been? Where's my phone? I have to call my sister.
Vision: Norm.
Norm: She's taking care of our dad, he's sick. Where is my phone?
Vision: Calm yourself, Norm. I can't understand what you're trying to tell me.
Norm: You have to stop her.
Vision: Stop who?
Norm: She's in my head. None of it is my own. It hurts. It hurts so much. Just make her stop. Just make her stop... Now tell me this. If I send an e-mail, where would I put the stamp? Technology. Ah.
House: living room
Billy: Sit, Sparky, sit. Good dog. Speak. Nice, Sparky. Now spin. Good boy!
Wanda: Oh! Bravo, Billy! You weren't so bad either, Sparky.
Tommy: That was radical. Where's Dad? We gotta go show Dad!
Wanda: Oh, he's... He's at work.
Tommy: Huh?
Billy: It's Saturday.
Wanda: No, it's not. It's Monday.
Tommy: This morning was Saturday.
Wanda: There was an emergency at the office and your father had to go in. End of story… Look, he just... He needed a distraction.
Tommy: From what?
Billy: From us?
Wanda: No! No way! No! Sometimes your dad and I aren't on the same page, but that's just temporary. Like the two of you, you might fight over toys, but he's always going to be your brother. And he is always going to be yours. Because family is forever.
Tommy: Do you have a brother, Mom?
Wanda: I do… Yeah. He's far away from here. And that makes me sad sometimes.
Billy: Hey, Sparky, what's up, boy? Something's scaring him.
Wanda: Stay here.
Billy: Sparky!
SWORD: operation room
Tyler: I know this is tech from the '80s, but can we sharpen the visuals?
Monica: Working on it. Maximoff located.
Tyler: Well done.
Jimmy: We can't see the drone on the broadcast. Wanda's framing it out of the shot.
Darcy: Just like all the jump cuts. Wanda decides what makes it onto her show and what doesn't.
Tyler: And here we go. You're up.
Monica: Wanda, this is Captain Monica Rambeau. Can you hear me? I just want to talk. That's it.
Tyler: No joy.
Monica: Uh... Wait, my controls aren't working. Reconnect patch.
Tyler: Disregard. Take the shot.
Monica: What? No. The drone isn't armed.
Tyler: Take the shot.
Monica: What did you do?
Agent: There's a breach, sir.
SWORD: field
Wanda: Is this yours?
Tyler: The missile was just a precaution. You can hardly blame us, Wanda.
Wanda: Oh, I think I can. This will be your only warning. Stay out of my home. You don't bother me. I won't bother you.
Tyler: I wish it could be that simple. You've taken an entire town hostage.
Wanda: Well, I'm not the one with the guns, Director.
Monica: But you are the one in control.
Wanda: You're still here.
Monica: Wanda, I didn't know the drones were armed. But you know that, don't you? A town full of civilians. And you, a telepath, brought a S.W.O.R.D. Agent into your home. You trusted me to help deliver your babies. On some level, Wanda, you know I am an ally. I wanna help you.
Wanda: How? What could you possibly have to offer me?
Monica: What do you want?
Wanda: I have what I want and no one will ever take it from me again.
Tyler: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stand down!
Monica: Wanda!
Tyler: Stand down!
Advertise
Housewife: Oh.
Voice: You've got a mess, and you're still using the next leading brand. You need Lagos brand paper towels. The most absorbent paper towel available… Husbands can use it too, you know… Lagos. For when you make a mess you didn't mean to.
Westview: street
Tommy: Sparky! Come on, boy!
Billy: Sparky! Sparky!
Tommy: Here, boy! Sparky!
Mailman: Hey, what's the trouble, little dudes?
Billy: We can't find our dog.
Mailman: Ah, don't worry. He's sure to turn up. Your mom won't let him get far. Ma'am.
Wanda: I don't know where he could've gone.
Tommy: Here, boy! Sparky!
Billy: Sparky!
Tommy: Sparky!
Billy: Sparky!
Agnes: I... I didn't wanna come until I'd wrapped him up.
Wanda: What happened to him?
Agnes: Found him in my azalea bushes. Don't know how many leaves he ate. I didn't find him until it was too late. Oh... Tommy, Billy, I'm so sorry.
Wanda: Wait. Don't. Don't.
Tommy: Don't what?
Wanda: Don't age yourselves up. The urge to run from this feeling is powerful. I know.
Billy: It's too sad.
Tommy: You can fix anything, Mom. Fix the dead.
Wanda: What? No.
Agnes: You can do that?
Wanda: I am trying to tell you that there are rules in life, okay? We can't rush aging just because it's convenient… And we can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Okay? Some things are forever.
Billy: You said family is forever.
Tommy: He is family. Bring him back, Mom.
Vision: Bring who back? Oh, boys. Come here.
House: kitchen
Vision: How are the boys?
Wanda: A little heartbroken, but they'll be all right.
Vision: Well, it's not often you get a dog and bury them the same day.
Wanda: Well, life moves pretty fast out in the suburbs.
Vision: I spoke with Norm.
Wanda: Oh?
Vision: I unearthed the man's suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight. He was in pain, Wanda.
Wanda: Vision... Listen, can we just...
Vision: What? Watch TV? Turn in for the night so that you can change everything over again? No, Wanda. You can't control me the way you do them.
Wanda: Can't I? I'm going to bed.
Vision: No! We're not done here. What is the "Maximoff Anomaly"?
Wanda: The what?
Vision: I have to believe that this, whatever this is, was subconscious at first and that you only recently became aware of it.
Wanda: Aware of what?
Vision: Norm has a family, Wanda!
House: living room
Vision: He has a family, and he can't reach them because you won't let him reach them!
Wanda: I don't know what you're talking about!
Vision: Stop lying to me!
Wanda: This, all of this is for us. So let me handle it.
Vision: What is outside of Westview?
Wanda: You don't wanna know, I promise you.
Vision: You don't get to make that choice for me, Wanda!
Wanda: You've never talked to me like this before.
Vision: Before what? Before what? I can't remember my life before Westview. I don't know who I am! I'm scared!
Wanda: You are my husband. You are Tommy and Billy's father. Isn't that enough?
Vision: Wanda, why are there no other children in Westview?
Wanda: Oh, God! There are! Just stop it!
Vision: No. No. The playground stands empty every morning I walk to work. Why? Tell me why?
Wanda: Do you really think that I am controlling everything? That I am somehow in charge of everybody in Westview? I'm walking their dogs, mowing their lawns, getting them to dentist appointments on time? I mean, I... I don't know how any of this started in the first place.
Vision: Wanda, what you're doing here, it's wrong.
Wanda: I...
Vision: It is wrong.
Wanda: I didn't do that. I... You don't believe me.
Vision: Wanda, I want to, but at this point, I'm ignoring statistics entirely… Wanda, who is this?
Pietro: Long lost bro get to squeeze his stinking sister to death or what?
SWORD: operation room
Darcy: She recast Pietro?
House: living room
Wanda: Pietro? Oh.
Pietro: Who's the popsicle?
